Iloilo City: Home is where the heart is | Death: Number your days to D-Day

After a long while of being away from Iloilo City, having made the decision to leave, back in 2007, just exactly when I made the note to self that I actually like it here now, I'm home again.

After a week and counting of being here, what have I learned?

My parents are nicer. Yay! \o/

The skyway isn't so bad as I had thought it would be. It actually looks nice. Too bad I won't be using it anyway (this girl is resisting learning how to ride a car). :p

I like my city!!! I like my city!!! I loik my city!!!

I think I got a better deal in pants here than I had ever seen in Manila. Hahahahahahaa! Oh joy. Roll.

I'm missing my friends in Manila, though I am learning to take my own advice to a woman I love dearly: Live in the moment. Love the people immediately around you.

There is no use pining for my friends in Manila when I have quite a number of friends here who are waiting for me to infect them with my bubbleheaded laughter, my irreverent view of my foibles in my walk with Jesus and my unique understanding of who He is. Most of us think that He is a guy with a ruler waiting to measure us or spank us or what. I NOW think that He is a loving Father who is only courting our hearts because without Him, we are DEAD.

YES. God is a FUN God, despite the way He needs to get when He disciplines us.

And oh, be happy when God calls your name when you are running away. It is an undoubtedly concrete evidence of how He still loves you when you are being disciplined.

Do I pine for my Ate's in Victory Pioneer?

I guess there is a way of things working out for the good of those who love God... The last 3 months I had in Manila were spent mainly with those immediately close to me in my small group. Thus, my ties to the people around me were already being eased out... So I had not seen Ate Sam's dimpled face, Ate Catz's radiant glow, Ate Jem's motherly countenance, nor Ate Grace's (Gracia P.) quiet strength, and more so Ate Rayche's quiet wisdom, in these past few months. No time, no room to pine for and miss people. No need to, and more so no right to.

I used to be a creature of comfort. I liked the soft fuzzy warm things in life. I liked the idea of "safe." And in my current reading of One Month to Live by Kerry and Chris Shook, I re-realized that I have one big fear currently: living a life too safe, that I'd miss out on obeying God.

I realized then, in my reading, that life was meant to be lived on the edge. I realized that life was meant to be lived taking risks and living, loving, learning to the hilt of who you are and what you can give.

So yes, as my new SG Leader Ann and I had agreed, we shall be soaking first in understanding what One Month to Live has to offer. We want to reach other young women effectively. I personally have a vision that our group, not to be clique-ish or anything, shall be the most bubbly, the most fun, the most joyous, the most grace-ious, the most LOVING, around. Not because I want our group to be known for fame's sake. Because I just want to be part of the biggest ripple around here to infect others. I want to be the most infectiously light-shining, life-giving, joy-diffusing (thank you, Tristan!) of the Victory Iloilo creatures around. Not for anything, but I just want to be like that, for God's glory.

Enough of CHURCH being equated to RELIGION. I's tired of THAT! Let's make CHURCH, VICTORY ILOILO, the best place to be in, every Sunday! Let's make Christianity the most enviable thing on earth to be a part of!

Enough of the concern on who is the greatest in the kingdom. Ministry?! What's THAT?! Seriously. If there's any one thing I take away from the greatest writer/prophet to impact my heart, Pastor Rick Joyner, it would be this: God's heart is touched only to the level of how faithful you were (in terms of being responsible of, allowing to grow) to what He has given you.

Another is the understandting that the greater the obstacle you had to jump through, and the more cavalier the attitude you took with which to survive it, the higher your reward, in the Lord's kingdom.

Those two snippets were my understanding of what Pastor Rick Joyner had written in his book The Vision (Final Quest part, I believe, the story of Angelo the beggar).

That is how I want to live my life: faithful to every little thing that is in my hands, one thing at a time.

So yes, I make a commitment to throwing all caution to the wind. I shall:

• Live fully: Passionately and without a care what other people may think and how they can harm me. To my possible enemies: I shall follow the strict quid pro quo rule: I won't hurt you with full deliberate evil machinations, and I expect God to keep me safe from your intentions as well. :p If you cross the line and burn even a single one of my split ends without due reason, Psalm 105:15 ("Do not touch my anointed ones; do my prophets no harm.") shall be your yardstick. :p
  
• Love with abandon: No matter how many times I get hurt by you, I shall love you, and you and you. :p
  
• Learn in full humility: Not to draw attention to myself, but I just want to share share share what God has done for me and what He could do for you, too.

I am going to be here for only 22,818 days more. So I have to make the most out of those 22,818 days, give or take a few days.

So I, Lorie Therese Locara, shall give it all I've got!!!

According to the Death Clock, I'm supposed to die on Monday, September 14, 2071. A full 87 years, 4 months, and a day!!! I subtracted my current age from that value (24 years, 9 months, and 28 days), in order to get my remaining days on this earth. The equation is 31,876 (days of my full life) - 9058 (days I had already spent). Phew.

I think the Death Clock states that I'll live well into my 80s because I'm the optimistic type. Heheh.

Enough of the mathematical nitty-gritties. Either way, these are the days I have left into my life, and I make a commitment to LIVE THESE DAYS FULLY.


Truth be told, I had said "goodbye" to my teens before I left Manila. I tried to get my two best Graviton buds to understand the significance of my leaving, but I was unsuccessful. I knew that I would be living my days faster. No longer would I stick to safe and comfortable in the coming days. My game plan for the 2-3 years that I will be here in Iloilo would be to:

• Love as many new people as I can.
• Meet as many new friends as I can.
• Help out whomever needs my help, in their ministry, just for the heck of it. (I'm looking at Ate Jenny Galopo, and my buddies in Victory.)
• Reach as many people who are jaded about the Jesus they were taught, as possible.
• Have as many people through Victory Weekend and see as many women flying in their relationship with God, as possible.
• Have as many cups of coffee on the perch God showed me I could use as the substitute for my Cityland rooftop sunrise-gazing post, here at home.
• Have as many cups of coffee I can brew.
• Squeeze the most out of my Me-and-God/Theo Afternoons, as I still could.
• Understand how I could make a go of all these in my 24-hour days, as possible, even as I juggle work and these targets. And sleep too. Heheh.

I don't know if I could regain the level of intensity that my high school friends and I had before, but I know that my days would get faster. My sked would be so squeezed and bled for the maximum, that I know that my metaphor for my life (Rocket), would become true...

These are exciting days. These are amazing days. This is no time to remain sleeping. This is no time to live on the SOMEDAY. The day to live is NOW!!!

Awaaaaaaake!!! You only have ONE LIFE TO LIVE!!!


And oh, somewhere in between all that, I might as well clean my room. Like right now. Heheh. :p

Iloilo City: Home is where the heart is | Death: Number your days to D-Day

After a long while of being away from Iloilo City, having made the decision to leave, back in 2007, just exactly when I made the note to self that I actually like it here now, I'm home again.

After a week and counting of being here, what have I learned?

My parents are nicer. Yay! \o/

The skyway isn't so bad as I had thought it would be. It actually looks nice. Too bad I won't be using it anyway (this girl is resisting learning how to ride a car). :p

I like my city!!! I like my city!!! I loik my city!!!

I think I got a better deal in pants here than I had ever seen in Manila. Hahahahahahaa! Oh joy. Roll.

I'm missing my friends in Manila, though I am learning to take my own advice to a woman I love dearly: Live in the moment. Love the people immediately around you.

There is no use pining for my friends in Manila when I have quite a number of friends here who are waiting for me to infect them with my bubbleheaded laughter, my irreverent view of my foibles in my walk with Jesus and my unique understanding of who He is. Most of us think that He is a guy with a ruler waiting to measure us or spank us or what. I NOW think that He is a loving Father who is only courting our hearts because without Him, we are DEAD.

YES. God is a FUN God, despite the way He needs to get when He disciplines us.

And oh, be happy when God calls your name when you are running away. It is an undoubtedly concrete evidence of how He still loves you when you are being disciplined.

Do I pine for my Ate's in Victory Pioneer?

I guess there is a way of things working out for the good of those who love God... The last 3 months I had in Manila were spent mainly with those immediately close to me in my small group. Thus, my ties to the people around me were already being eased out... So I had not seen Ate Sam's dimpled face, Ate Catz's radiant glow, Ate Jem's motherly countenance, nor Ate Grace's (Gracia P.) quiet strength, and more so Ate Rayche's quiet wisdom, in these past few months. No time, no room to pine for and miss people. No need to, and more so no right to.

I used to be a creature of comfort. I liked the soft fuzzy warm things in life. I liked the idea of "safe." And in my current reading of One Month to Live by Kerry and Chris Shook, I re-realized that I have one big fear currently: living a life too safe, that I'd miss out on obeying God.

I realized then, in my reading, that life was meant to be lived on the edge. I realized that life was meant to be lived taking risks and living, loving, learning to the hilt of who you are and what you can give.

So yes, as my new SG Leader Ann and I had agreed, we shall be soaking first in understanding what One Month to Live has to offer. We want to reach other young women effectively. I personally have a vision that our group, not to be clique-ish or anything, shall be the most bubbly, the most fun, the most joyous, the most grace-ious, the most LOVING, around. Not because I want our group to be known for fame's sake. Because I just want to be part of the biggest ripple around here to infect others. I want to be the most infectiously light-shining, life-giving, joy-diffusing (thank you, Tristan!) of the creatures around.

Enough of CHURCH being equated to RELIGION. I's tired of THAT! Let's make CHURCH, VICTORY ILOILO, the best place to be in, every Sunday! Let's make Christianity the most enviable thing on earth to be a part of!

Enough of the concern on who is the greatest in the kingdom. Ministry?! What's THAT?! Seriously. If there's any one thing I take away from the greatest writer/prophet to impact my heart, Pastor Rick Joyner, it would be this: God's heart is touched only to the level of how faithful you were (in terms of being responsible of, allowing to grow) to what He has given you.

Another is the understandting that the greater the obstacle you had to jump through, and the more cavalier the attitude you took with which to survive it, the higher your reward, in the Lord's kingdom.

Those two snippets were my understanding of what Pastor Rick Joyner had written in his book The Vision (Final Quest part, I believe, the story of Angelo the beggar).

That is how I want to live my life: faithful to every little thing that is in my hands, one thing at a time.

So yes, I make a commitment to throwing all caution to the wind. I shall:

• Live fully: Passionately and without a care what other people may think and how they can harm me. To my possible enemies: I shall follow the strict quid pro quo rule: I won't hurt you with full deliberate evil machinations, and I expect God to keep me safe from your intentions as well. :p If you cross the line and burn even a single one of my split ends without due reason, Psalm 105:15 ("Do not touch my anointed ones; do my prophets no harm.") shall be your yardstick. :p
  
• Love with abandon: No matter how many times I get hurt by you, I shall love you, and you and you. :p
  
• Learn in full humility: Not to draw attention to myself, but I just want to share share share what God has done for me and what He could do for you, too.

I am going to be here for only 22,818 days more. So I have to make the most out of those 22,818 days, give or take a few days.

So I, Lorie Therese Locara, shall give it all I've got!!!

According to the Death Clock, I'm supposed to die on Monday, September 14, 2071. A full 87 years, 4 months, and a day!!! I subtracted my current age from that value (24 years, 9 months, and 28 days), in order to get my remaining days on this earth. The equation is 31,876 (days of my full life) - 9058 (days I had already spent). Phew.

I think the Death Clock states that I'll live well into my 80s because I'm the optimistic type. Heheh.

Enough of the mathematical nitty-gritties. Either way, these are the days I have left into my life, and I make a commitment to LIVE THESE DAYS FULLY.


Truth be told, I had said "goodbye" to my teens before I left Manila. I tried to get my two best Graviton buds to understand the significance of my leaving, but I was unsuccessful. I knew that I would be living my days faster. No longer would I stick to safe and comfortable in the coming days. My game plan for the 2-3 years that I will be here in Iloilo would be to:

• Love as many new people as I can.
• Meet as many new friends as I can.
• Help out whomever needs my help, in their ministry, just for the heck of it. (I'm looking at Ate Jenny Galopo, and my buddies in Victory.)
• Reach as many people who are jaded about the Jesus they were taught, as possible.
• Have as many people through Victory Weekend and see as many women flying in their relationship with God, as possible.
• Have as many cups of coffee on the perch God showed me I could use as the substitute for my Cityland rooftop sunrise-gazing post, here at home.
• Have as many cups of coffee I can brew.
• Squeeze the most out of my Me-and-God/Theo Afternoons, as I still could.
• Understand how I could make a go of all these in my 24-hour days, as possible, even as I juggle work and these targets. And sleep too. Heheh.

I don't know if I could regain the level of intensity that my high school friends and I had before, but I know that my days would get faster. My sked would be so squeezed and bled for the maximum, that I know that my metaphor for my life (Rocket), would become true...

These are exciting days. These are amazing days. This is no time to remain sleeping. This is no time to live on the SOMEDAY. The day to live is NOW!!!

Awaaaaaaake!!! You only have ONE LIFE TO LIVE!!!


And oh, somewhere in between all that, I might as well clean my room. Like right now. Heheh. :p

Scandalous Life: Of Todd Bentley, Deaths and Remarriage

I've been noticing something lately. There is an abnormally high number of young deaths. As well as a good amount of remarriages after divorce. Do you think God is saying something here?

Perhaps, He is saying, that He is taking us out of our unholy marriage to "Egypt": love of money, things, things of the world, marriage to compromise: a mixture of the holy and unholy motives in our hearts and giving the Bride of Christ, the Church, a new marriage: one that will have the Bride faithful through to the end?

Or maybe He is saying, "Even though I have divorced you, I shall marry you again, this time, with a fresh covenant, a brand new start."

Waa. I'm seriously just supposing. I'm just wondering about the world events of late. Heheh.

Super Disclaimer: This is, in no way, an exercise of my prophetic giftings. All Blabber before Rick Joyner's article is just that: Lorie's personal blabber, supposition, and wonderings. You have been firmly forewarned.

Below is a serious article with the deep and sincere apologies of the prophet in charge of the prophet in the process of restoration... And his new wife. Heheh.

And yeah. I repent. For criticizing you. I'm no better than you, actually. If I'm the woman with the alabaster jar crying my heart out at the feet of Jesus, fully forgiven, fully healed, I should only extend the same level of grace and mercy that I was given.

I still don't know if you are a true sister in Christ. But I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. You have never harmed me, you don't even know I exist, but I have to say that I hated you with a passion I could slice through with a knife.

Maybe, just like Jessa, you went for him too soon. Maybe. I'll never know this side of Heaven. Only Jesus is your righteous judge. This forgiven harlot (meh) does not have any right to toss any size of stone or pebble on your way.

I'm sorry I had rained missiles on you with my words (that you never heard) and my thoughts. Someday, when we meet in Heaven, I'll know the full truth. Today, I am only thankful that I sit here corrected, and reminded of the long list of scarlet sins that I was forgiven.

Maybe someday I can observe you from afar and understand why he and God love you. Maybe someday we would even talk. As for today, I shall be happy ceasing all thoughts and barbs that issue from my mouth.

Til that day we meet in Heaven or even here on earth, I pray you live the rest of your life in peace, effectively having numbered your days: living passionately, loving completely, learning humbly, and finally, that you may leave this earth boldly.

Today, I make peace with myself, making the specific decision to zip my lips regarding you. I'm spitting out that tasty morsel of gossip; asking that God would make it as bitter venom to my tongue.

Whatever you did, wrong or whatever in our sight that was, I know one thing: Jesus has Tamar, Rahab, Ruth and Bathsheba in His bloodline. Such a scandalous bloodline, for a pure and Holy God! I'm in good company. So are you. :)

Either way, I'm just glad you don't know I exist.

Now, zip the drama, Lorie, and allow people to learn about what happened to Todd Bentley. :p

***

Todd Bentley Begins Restoration Process

By Rick Joyner

Todd Bentley was used to spark the Lakeland Outpouring, which raised the faith level of much of the body of Christ. Testimonies of healings and miracles from it are now virtually all over the world. When Todd’s marriage failed, he abruptly stopped all ministry and virtually disappeared for almost nine months. In the meantime, his divorce was finalized and he has recently remarried.

Todd has taken full responsibility for the failure of his marriage. He and Jessa also admit that their relationship was premature and should not have happened the way it did. Both are adamant that it was not the cause for the failure of his first marriage, nor did they begin their relationship until Todd was convinced that his marriage was over. They have both expressed that it was wrong and premature. They do not want to try and cover this up even though they know many will never accept them for it. Even so, they are married now and are resolved to make the most of their marriage, their lives, and to continue to serve the Lord in the best way that they can.

My position all along has been that I will do my best to comply with Galatians 6:1, “If a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted” (NKJV). To obey this Word, I have always felt that it did not matter what one had done, and that it was my responsibility to help them find the grace of God to return to the place from which they had fallen. I confess that with Todd, I am not just doing this as a duty. From the time I first met him nearly ten years ago, I knew that he had an extraordinary purpose and a gift of faith for the miraculous that would be desperately needed in these times. I consider helping any of God’s children an honor, and helping Todd is a privilege.

I also confess to some selfish ambition in wanting to do this. I had a dream two decades ago in which one of my children had fallen into a sewage ditch and could not get up. My child was being scorned and no one would help him. A man came along who helped my child get up and then cleaned up. In that dream, I felt as if I would give everything that I owned to this man who helped my child. Then I heard the voice of the Lord say, “Jim Bakker is My child. Will you help him?” Since that time, I have been devoted to helping any of God’s children that I could who have committed any trespass, because I knew there were few other things that would bring the Father’s favor. I consider this willingness to at least try to help others this way a major reason for the extraordinary favor that our ministry, my family, and I have received. I love Todd and am glad to help him, but I also know by doing this, I will be doing something that means a great deal to our Father.

When we release someone to minister in the body of Christ, we are releasing him or her to minister to God’s own children, and I personally do not do that with anyone who I would not allow to minister to my own family. For all that was done through Todd, and especially at Lakeland, which touched and helped countless thousands, many were also left confused and hurt by the way it ended. I think Todd is even more sensitive to this than I am. Although in some ways he greatly misses being in ministry and praying for people, he wants to be sure that when he comes back that his life and his ministry are on the most solid ground possible so that he does not cause these kinds of problems again.

Jack Deere and Bill Johnson have agreed to be a part of Todd’s restoration process. I asked them to be a part because I know they will probably see things I don’t, but also because both Todd and I trust them and know they would not sign off on something they did not really believe in. However, both of them are going to be involved in this at a distance, and therefore, I will be the main person responsible.

Being a believer in body ministry, I expect our whole leadership team, and to some degree, our whole local church, to be involved in helping Todd and Jessa. Our staff and all from the church that I have discussed this with are very happy about them being here and want to help them in any way that they can.

In future Bulletins, we will go into more detail about what we’re doing and why, as well as what we think was a cause of some of the failures Todd experienced. We will only do this for the sake of helping others avoid the same traps. We know that trust has to be earned and that Todd will have to earn the trust of the body of Christ for future ministry, which will not be easy, nor should it be. Todd, more than most, does not want to jump back into ministry prematurely, even as much as he misses it in some ways.

I for one have been very encouraged by the expressions of grace and genuine concern so many have expressed toward Todd in this situation. It gives me great hope. As we have been constantly reminded, the Lord had great patience with sinners, but He had none for the self-righteous. We’re all here because He had mercy on us, and we know we still need it. However, we also know that true repentance and restoration can only come if we refuse to compromise the clear biblical standards for morality and integrity.

Todd wanted to personally say the following:

It has been a long while since I have spoken publicly and openly. I am sorry for the hurt and confusion that my decisions have caused the body of Christ. It has been a true season of brokenness, hiddenness, and a long process of grieving.
As many of you now know, my previous marriage has endured years of unresolved conflicts. I apologize that it has ended in divorce, and I take full responsibility for my part for the ending of the marriage. I realize that my silence and decisions have caused many of you to feel hurt, confused, and offended. The reason for the silence was for my need of healing, creating a restoration process under a team of qualified leaders, much needed rest after the Lakeland Outpouring, repentance, and the divorce process.

I have now relocated to Fort Mill, South Carolina and have entered into my restoration and healing process under Rick Joyner, Jack Deere, and Bill Johnson. I am confident of this one thing—that God is faithful to His promise and my hope is to be fully restored, strengthened, healed, and to learn from all the mistakes I have made along the way.
Thank you friends and partners for your continued prayers, encouragement, and love. I am committed to the work of the Holy Spirit and confident that the good men around me will help me be restored first as a man, as a husband, and ultimately to fulfill God's call on my life.

Those of you who were touched by the Lakeland Outpouring do not lose your encouragement. What happened there was from God, and Todd is a true servant of God. He has made some mistakes, and he is trying to get his life back in order, and you can be confident that he will. Throughout the Bible, many of the greatest heroes in it also made some of the worst mistakes. King David, possibly the greatest hero in the Bible after Jesus, made one of the most horrible mistakes, not only committing adultery, but murdering the husband of the woman he committed it with. God knew that was going to happen with David when He called him, and He loved David before, during, and afterward.

One of the remarkable events in the Bible is that the Lord then used Bathsheba to bring forth the heir to the throne, Solomon, and she is part of the genealogy of Jesus. It still stretches me, but we need stretching in the grace of God. At the same time, we must balance it with how God hates divorce, and it is one of the scourges of our times that is tragically hurting many, many people. Marriage is under such an assault now because it is so important. However, legalism will not overcome lawlessness. This situation and similar ones that almost every church and family are now being faced with is one that we need answers for. We cannot run from Him, but must run to Him with our need.

How Long?

Man. Dogs talking. Imagine. When will be the day when we talk to animulz again? Heheh!

If you're not content with that vid, here's another one.

In the stillness of my night...

Self-absorption alert.

These past two weeks were one big whirlwind. I got a new job, as a girl friday for an outsourcing company. I ate nothing but stress and fast meals from a bowl, whatever I could find in the kitchen to heap on inside it, that's what I'll eat. All this craziness these past weeks. For two weeks in a row, I had worked on Sundays. For two weeks in a row, I worked for 8 to 12 hours straight. Finally, last Sunday, I decided to give my past clients to Krish, the lovely lady whose assistance in my ragtag team had been crucial.

For those of you who may not know, Kuya Elim, especially, since you asked about it, I've been an online worker since 2006. I started out writing essays for lazy American students; then when I realized that it really wasn't ethical (after I bought a new hard drive, a couple of cellphones, and other stuff besides ), I dropped the job and decided to try and focus on my studies.

When the reality set in: that I would need to find something to support the DSL bills, I then started to send out my resumes to job postings I found on http://www.bestjobs.ph. On a miraculous turn of events, my official online career began with working for a Philippine Internet Marketing expert, after an interview on yahoo messenger that lasted all of 2 hours.

My career progressed: from him alone, over the summer of 2007, the year I graduated, I had been able to find work with other people. From Mr. Local Internet Marketer, I had a Philippine blog overlord, an American blog CEO, and a bidding site/outsourcing diva for clients. Juggling them all in my hands, I almost never got anywhere. Sure I got paid good money. Sometimes I got more than I asked for, but there started a nagging feeling in my heart that this was all slavery.

It was, of course, a crazy lie that I had bought. I realize now when I talked to a Philippine Internet Marketing diva, who also is a churchmate of mine, that I had bought into the employee mentality that told me that I should try to break free of the system.

Robert Kiyosaki advised, in his book Rich Dad, Poor Dad, that even when a person works the 9 to 5, he or she should plumb her savings into a passive income account...

With this, he went on to expound that an employee should work for himself. Even as an employee, he should be plumbing his money into investments, not to live on paycheck to paycheck. When you have a goal bigger than your bills, it's easier to drive yourself to get there, according to him.

But I had not bumped into Robert Kiyosaki until September of 2008, when I saw one of his books lying around here in this house that I stay in.. I read it, almost through to the end, and I realized that I should no longer feel like a slave. I should realize that I should work my butt off with my main client in order to build that nest egg for myself.

In September, I was a good girl. I was faithful to my main employer and tried to reach targets. But October became a test in character and time management skills, when temptation after temptation kicked in.

I was offered a lucrative and prestigious package when a local surveillance company wanted me to work for them as their outsourced writer.

BIG MISTAKE.

While I love the manager I worked with as a person, working with her was HELL. My close friend and partner in one of my yet-to-take-off ventures once said: the manager and I could have been great friends had we not have had to work with each other... And indeed, it was a turbulent relationship. I was plugging in at least 8 hours a day just chatting and fighting with her, over that stupid project.

After that stretch of time, October to December, I have only this to show for it: for a sliver of time, my house bills were "updated": no debts on my house bills. But only for that split second.

October to November was hell. I was juggling several clients at once, but I was getting nowhere. Money was pouring into everyone else's pockets but mine. Why? Coz I was so friggin needy and kept chatting with my biz partner and friend.

Yeah, that and the fact that admin work and fighting with the manager sapped me dry.

I have to finally admit to myself that I had one big F in the stretch from October to December. I was constantly shielding myself from my parents that I was working hard. Yeah, when everyone else finally went to sleep.

I was reaching some targets, but I was growing more and more exhausted by the minute. I was also a big F in one major thing: I was not faithful to my main employer, at all.

The season before that, I identified Multiply as a time-sapper. So I started to blog less and less. I had also realized that chatting was sucking up a lot of time. But working with a friend gave me an excuse to stay on yahoo messenger for so long.

BIG MISTAKE again.

But thanks to this job that I now have, whose shift starts in 3 hours, yikes, I can finally earn my keep in a stable way.

My working is monitored via software, so it gives me the extra discipline. I no longer chat during office hours, except for those moments when there are running tasks that are not attention-intensive. It's a better system, too, because I can get up to get food, text for a split second, and I don't need to stop my timer, because my workplace's system takes care of my attendance.

From September to December 2008, I was the boss of me. I bought into the lie that to be financially liquid, I should get more projects. I bought into the lie that prosperity comes with getting more work, with being your own boss.

Today, I realize that prosperity comes when you honor God and be faithful. Psalm 37. That includes not taking on too many sidelines, and taking care of your sanity.

I had a long career in 3 years.

From essay company to Internet Marketer, blogging kingpins, two outsourcing bidding marketplace divas, a community site developer, a social networking fledgling, a savvy Internet Marketing/blogging/marketing hybrid that got me my 15 milliseconds of fame, a travel networking magnate, a self-help non-guru who had studied under Anthony "Tony" Robbins, who was featured on Shallow Hal (the guy who hypnotized Hal), a local surveillance magnate and his hellish manager, and who knows if I have others I forgot, haha!

Oh yeah, my short stint with another outsourcing/SEO article company before I went for the essay writing company. And oh, that essay writing website, as well.

Who knows what else I've worked on? My foggy brain could only recall the lessons learned, the pain that the lessons came with, in order to brand my soul never to do the mistakes again, and the realization that God is a good Father: He allows all these things in our lives in order to prime us for the next level.

Without all these experiences, I would have been incapable of handling what I have now. It takes a lot of trust to put your business in the hands of a girl whom you talk with only on Skype or Yahoo Messenger. It takes a lot of trust to open your records and everything else to another person.

Some other people got screwed over by employees they work with in real life, where they could whap! these people on the head for realz. Thankfully, the treacherous side of the human heart only reared its head in me once, and it was the single, most painful moment I've had in my career. Thanks to that, I can now assure myself and my employer that I am trustworthy, and I won't screw him over. I prefer peace of mind, thank you.

But I have to admit that sometime since last week, looking at Php 15,000 a month, I had panicked, because my employer's daily mantra was "move to Windows," and there's no way that I could get a decent laptop on Php 5,000. I have to live on something too, you know? And I have to tithe too. Pay taxes. Pay debts. Things a person does to keep from being robbed by satan.

With that panic, I had already considered getting a credit card and getting a loan to start a business. Ants in the pants, really.

But then God reminded me to rest. So I did. After two weeks of working Sundays, there's no way that anyone would rob me of my Sabbaths again, unless I get stupid once more. Yes, when hell freezes over shall I work all through Sunday. I hope God facilitates that, as well.

I also got reminded that if I borrowed money to make money, I would be feeding on a lie that the world has put forth. And I hadn't even finished setting up www.nenyalorien.com just yet. I had not monetized it, nor even put up the things I needed to put up to make me some money that could be had, just keeping that site lying around. Why did I have to think about digging a deeper ditch by buying into the stupidity of investing, the world's way?

I have deep respect for my friends who could make money out of borrowed money. But I also have deep respect for God's telling Moses: "What's that in your hand?"

Yes, I shall work with what I have: an Internet connection, a brain, and a couple of domains lying around.

When I am faithful, I am sure God will reward me with more.

Lord, I'm sorry for allowing my heart to be stolen by love of money, yet again. Please keep on rescuing me from myself.

Somewhere in Proverbs, it says that easy "money gets lost quickly, but money that is gathered little by little turns ito great wealth" (paraphrased). And so it shall be. No loans, no credit cards for me. If you have an old laptop you want to sell me for installment starting March, or if you have a laptop you are willing to give away for a prayer and a blessing, I'm here. :)


And on the note of workaholism: I could also listen to Dave Ramsey, when he says that if you are in debt, you could take an extra job to get out of it quickly.

Naaaaaaaah. Not yet. Let my brain settle from the blenderized bits that are swimming in my skull. If I get an article order or two, yay. If not, whatever, I won't die.

But what I seriously want is to start writing my own books again.

No more do I want to see my own work, something I am passionate about, sold back to me:

http://www.20daypersuasion.com/WSOpsych.htm

No more, please. I'm tired of prostituting what is, to a writer, his or her babies. I am happy with writing stray articles for others. I am even happy writing a weight loss ebook. Coz I'm still fat anyway, and those ideas work well only if I applied them to myself. Haha. But for things like that book in the link above, stuff I am passionate about: inner healing, psychology, etc., it breaks my heart that I now have to buy that for myself, in order to resell that and slap my name on it.

Money, if only I didn't need you to buy my new Macbook Pro, which God has already promised me. If only I didn't need you to keep staying in this home that I've learned to love. If only I didn't need you to get from here to my church. If only I didn't need you to keep fed tomorrow... I won't be working this hard.

Yes, I shall agree with Robert Kiyosaki that I would be using the money I earn from working to set up a business. No, I shall not agree with his adherents, the guys who are behind a certain abundance movement in the Philippines, that it takes borrowed money to make money. No! No! No! I shall prosper, God's way, and in God's Time!

Lorie's Heart, you better listen to that!

Let's be wise with where we invest money, and how to go about it. I will not run myself down and shred myself in order to chase the elusive buck. I shall do this, God's way.


***



As a final word, to answer your question, Kuya Elim, I am:

• A Writer.
• A Virtual Assistant.
• I do Search Engine Optimization (stabilized one website at #1, thanks to my efforts and my former employer's tactics).
• I can create websites, but not from code, not yet anyway.
• I can do almost everything on a computer except program and create formulas on Excel.

In short, I'm the Über Assistant. Heheh.

There's Hope For Me Yet. Heheh.

Parents Kill Daughter While Teaching Her Manners

Jurors weep at details of 'Baby Grace' torture

By JUAN A. LOZANO, Associated Press Writer Juan A. Lozano, Associated Press Writer – 14 mins ago

AP – This undated file photo released by Sheryl Ann Sawyers shows her granddaughter Riley Ann Sawyers, 2, …

GALVESTON, Texas – Jurors wept Tuesday watching a woman describe how teaching her 2-year-old daughter proper manners turned into a daylong torture session in which the toddler was beaten with belts, dunked in cold water and flung across a room so violently that she died.

Kimberly Trenor, 20, detailed the abuse in a videotaped statement played for jurors during the first day of her capital murder trial.

Trenor, 20, told investigators in the statement that she hit her daughter with a thick leather belt to teach her to say "please" and "yes, sir."

The little victim was dubbed "Baby Grace" by investigators who worked to identify her decomposed remains after the body was found in a plastic container in October 2007 on a tiny island in Galveston Bay.

Trenor's 25-year-old husband, Royce Zeigler II, is to be tried separately on murder charges. His attorney argues that Trenor is responsible for the child's death.

But Trenor insisted it was her husband who became so enraged when the toddler didn't behave better that he hurled her several times across a room, ultimately fracturing her skull and killing her.

"I said we have to get her to a hospital. (Zeigler) said, 'No we can't. We'll go to jail,'" Trenor said in the videotape, crying. "There came a point where she stopped breathing. He started doing CPR on the floor. He took her ... and handed her over to me. I could just feel her going cold."

At the defense table, Trenor's eyes teared up as she watched the videotape on a large screen. Several jurors wiped away tears.

Riley Ann Sawyers tried to stop her mother and stepfather from beating her to death by reaching out to her mother and saying, "I love you," assistant district attorney Kayla Allen told jurors earlier in the day during her opening statement.

The toddler's pleas didn't stop her mother from brutalizing her, the prosecutor said.

Allen said that on July 25, 2007, Trenor and Zeigler disciplined Riley by whipping her with a belt, pushing her head against a pillow and holding her head under water. She said Zeigler tossed Riley across the room, fracturing her skull. An autopsy concluded the fractures caused her death.

Allen said the adults did nothing to help even as Riley lay dying.

Instead, the couple bought a plastic container, stuffed Riley's body inside and stored it in a shed for a month or two before setting it out to sea, the prosecutor said.

Defense attorney Tommy Stickler Jr. told the jury that Trenor never intended to kill her daughter and that things just "spun out of control."

Stickler portrayed Trenor as a scared 19-year-old girl who had moved to Texas from Ohio to marry a man she met while playing an online game. She said Riley's father, her former boyfriend, had assaulted her and Zeigler was her "knight in shining armor."

"I don't want to use the word accident, but this wasn't something that was intentional," Stickler said.

Trenor could receive an automatic sentence of life in prison without parole if convicted of capital murder. The jury could also convict her of a lesser charge.

Prosecutors declined to seek the death penalty because they didn't think they could prove that either one would be a future danger, as required.

Geez. Maybe they needed parent training. Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend will do the trick. :p